Valentines Day, Girls, and What My Problem Is

Now this little piece I’m going to write about contains deep thoughts. I’ve been thinking about how to word it all day and I want to make sure that I explain my feelings with complete and utter seriousness. Valentines Day is around the corner. As we all know, this is not a holiday made up to remember Saint Valentine, who was one of the several martyred saints of ancient Rome according to Wikipedia. Rather, Valentines Day is a holiday that was invented by young couples in the nineteenth century that was later bought out by Hallmark as that greeting card company is the only company in the world that can patent national holidays. So instead of having a free holiday, we must waste the money that could have gone to the millions of children starving in Africa to buy greeting cards and heart-shaped boxes of miniature chocolates with disgusting little...