World Ransom Note

Dear World, If you are reading this letter in a published format using an excessive number of juxtaposed typefaces, that means I now have control of the future of the planet. How did I end up obtaining it? Perhaps it was YouTube propaganda that led me to combine every country into a single-party state. Maybe Obama, Netanyahu, and I were playing poker and he lost... badly. Or maybe it's the fact that Jews cause global warming, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I now have possession of the world and there is nothing you can do to stop me. There is good news, and it has nothing to do with saving 15% or more on car insurance. I am willing to return earth to the people, but I have a few demands that must...