They say those who like The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger do not like The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. And then they say those who like The Great Gatsby do not like The Catcher in the Rye. I don't know who actually says that. I say it. But for almost everyone I know, it's true: you either like one or the other. I'm a Catcher fan. What lacks in conflict makes up for an excellent character study. There's a little Holden Caulfield in every teenager. And ever since I first read the book in my junior year of English, I knew it could translate into a great film. Every classic piece of literature has been turned into a film (many of which have then been turned into novelizations of said films, but that's a story for another day). So what's been stopping this one from hitting...
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For some reason, the other night Neil Patrick Harris popped into my mind. And with absolutely no reason, I decided to update my Facebook status with those three simple words: Neil Patrick Harris. I had a good feeling that several people would respond to this status, and sure enough I was right. Take a look below. However I quite surprised to see exactly what the comments were. I thought surely someone would comment "Yeah, what about him?" But no! Every poster not only agreed with me, but finished the statement on my behalf. And no, Ari, he'd be my boyfriend if I was gay. Speaking of which, the holy NPH is the Gay of the Week. Imagine that. Well good job, Neil! Looks like my experiment was successful. You are truly a man that needs no explanation to exist as a Facebook status. Next I must see if more people...
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Sometimes I like to pretend I know famous people. So every now and then I'll watch a music video on YouTube and try to have a conversation with it. Take this conversation I had with the Ting Tings, for example. Me: Hi, my name is Danny. What's yours? TT: They call me Hell. Me: That's a pretty strange name. TT: They call me Stacey. Me: Oh nice. I know a few Staceys. TT: They call me her. Me: Well that makes sense. You are female. TT: They call me Jane. Me: Is that like your middle name or something? TT: That's not my name. Me: Wait, then what's your name? TT: That's not my name. Me: Yeah I got that, but what's your name. TT: That's not my name. Me: THEN WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING NAME? TT: That's not my name. Me: I don't think we've got much chemistry. Yeah, it...
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Seasons greetings! Christmastime is here again! Yeah, I know it's more PC to call it "Holiday time" or "Winter time" nowadays. But let's face it. The only real reason we get off from school and work is because of Christmas. Sure there are other holidays. But keep in mind that Chanukah is a minor holiday that does NOT define the Jewish people, despite what Adam Sandler and all of the SNL writers may think. Ramadan already happened a few months earlier. Festivus is not a real holiday... even if you spend a thousand dollars on a shiny new Festivus pole. And I don't even know what Winter Solstice is. The only legit other holiday besides Christmas is Kwanzaa. So for their sake, "Merry Christmas and have a kwazy Kwanzaa!" Anyhoo, I want to talk about the most famous person in the world. No not Jesus Christ. Or Ronald McDonald. I'm...
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When thinking about why I like Jewish girls, I know I prefer them over shiksas for a few different reasons. Often Jewish girls are prettier, nicer, friendlier, and of course they are Jewish. Also that shomer negia thing is just another way of “playing hard to get.” But truthfully, the real reason I like Jewish girls is because of their names. You got to agree with me that Jewish girls have good names. Their names sound pretty and are easier to remember. Sarah, Rebecca, Leah, Ruth, Miri, Samantha, Jessica, Shanon, Sharon, Hannah, Deborah, Elizabeth, Rachel….. that last one must be the most common name ever. Ever notice how if you walk into a room full of a hundred Jewish girls and you call out for Rachel, there will always be at least one that responds? Actually I don’t think I have ever walked into a room filled solely with Jewish...
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Now this little piece I’m going to write about contains deep thoughts. I’ve been thinking about how to word it all day and I want to make sure that I explain my feelings with complete and utter seriousness. Valentines Day is around the corner. As we all know, this is not a holiday made up to remember Saint Valentine, who was one of the several martyred saints of ancient Rome according to Wikipedia. Rather, Valentines Day is a holiday that was invented by young couples in the nineteenth century that was later bought out by Hallmark as that greeting card company is the only company in the world that can patent national holidays. So instead of having a free holiday, we must waste the money that could have gone to the millions of children starving in Africa to buy greeting cards and heart-shaped boxes of miniature chocolates with disgusting little...
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