Wii Fit Promotes Child Abuse
I love the Nintendo Wii. Who doesn’t (besides the “hardcore” gamers that are actually anti-social nerds who play Halo all day)? Unfortunately now I love the Wii a little less. This is because this casual game console promotes child abuse! Or more specifically, the popular game Wii Fit promotes child abuse.
I was at a friend’s house for a Fathers’ Day brunch. When my friends, her siblings, and I were done eating we decided to head over to the glorious Wii. I was excited to play Wii Fit as I had heard so many great things about it, and I couldn’t wait to stand on the holy Balance Board of holiness. For those that don’t know, Wii Fit is a fitness game designed for people to lazy to join a gym (irony!). It consists of several mini-games consisting of yoga, aerobics, and balance. One of the balance games is called Soccer Heading (known as Football Heading outside the US), in which you are the goalie at soccer practice and all your teammates are kicking soccer balls your way. It is your job to headbutt the balls by leaning either to the left or the right on the Balance Board. Here’s a picture.
But now here’s the twist. Some of the kids don’t even kick balls. Rather they throw shoes and panda heads, both of which are black and white so they are easy to mix up with the legit balls. And instead of headbutting these, you must dodge them to avoid brutal pain. And that’s where I realized I had a problem with this game.
I’m not here to yamble about consumerism (not again, anyways) since these kids seem to have so many disposable shoes to throw at me. And I’m not here to yamble about the environmental cruelty of ripping off panda hands and then throwing them at me. As I said earlier, I’m yambling because this game is promoting child abuse. Nintendo apparently is okay with kids getting hit in the head with shoes and panda heads. Sure, they’re not real people. But if I may take a philosophical trangression, who is to say that we people are any more real than Wii people? Miis have feelings too.
To make matters worse, the soccer coach on the right side of the screen does absolutely nothing about it! I know PE teachers are generally heartless with their whole “rub some dirt on it” way of life, but these kids are throwing FRICKING PANDA HEADS! If he can’t even run over to you to check if you are okay, the least he could do is stop the game and kick the kids out that are throwing those strange objects. But no, you have to keep on playing until you run out of balls. Now I never joined any high school sports but I refuse to believe that practices were that cruel!
Some of you may think I’m posting this just because I suck at Wii Fit and I have no balance. Well you are wrong. I am seriously disappointed in Nintendo, who is known for its child friendly games (yay for capturing pets, keeping them in tiny balls, and forcing them to fight each other!) I know the Wii Fit Plus is soon going to come out. I just hope Nintendo has understood what they did wrong and removed this awful, awful game from this new version. Because child abuse is never funny. Unless it’s David after the dentist.
