Peter and Hando
a Thanksgiving show performed with hands
by Danny Zeff, 2002
Peter: Hi, I’m Peter Pilgrim. Peter Pilgrim of Plymouth Patrol. Hey, who are you?
Hando: Me Hando.
Peter: You mean Squanto.
Hando: No, Hando. How.
Peter: How do you do?
Hando: No. Just how.
Peter: So Hando, what do you do?
Hando: Me grow corn.
Peter: How do you do that?
Hando: No. Just how.
Peter: About the corn...
Hando: Me eat ears.
Peter: What are you? Some kind of cannibal?
Hando: No. Me eat ears of corn, stupid.
Peter: What did you just call me?
Hando: Stupid pilgrimworth.
Peter: Pilgrimworth? What’s a pilgrimworth?
Hando: Oh. About 1 dollar, fifty.
Peter: But all I got is a dime.
Hando: Stupid pilgrim.
Peter: I’m getting tired. Do you have a place to sleep?
Hando: Sleep in teepee. Peter: I don’t want to sleep in toilet paper!
Hando: No, dummy. Teepee. Teepee not made of toilet paper. Teepee made of buffalo. Me hunt buffalo.
Peter: How do you do that?
Hando: No. Just how.
Peter: Okay. Tell me the way you hunt buffalo.
Hando: Me hunt buffalo with gun, stupid.
Peter: Do you eat buffalo?
Hando: No. Me eat turkey. Me have feast. Me want you to come to our feast, even though you are dummy.
Peter: How do you know that is okay?
Hando: Just how.
Peter: Oh, not again!