DO NOT MIX UP FAIRY TALES
by Danny Zeff
Do
not mix up fairy tales
Or
else you’ll surely find
No
monkeys jumping on the bed
Or
Little Red Riding Hood not being kind.
The
witch that we’ve all heard about
Might’ve been better than Snow White.
But
the mirror, mirror on the wall
Said
that Cinderella has a better sight.
So
the witch locked Cinderella in a tower
And
Cinderella couldn’t go to the ball
To
marry the handsome prince.
And
that wish would be all.
Soon
a prince came
And
saw Cinderella up there.
“I’ll let you down,” said the prince.
“I
want you to let down your hair.
“But
I’ll only rescue you if you guess my name.
Is
it Robert? Is it Jack? Is it Bob?
If
you can’t guess my name
Then
I’ll have to make you continue to sob.”
“I
don’t think it is Michael,”
Said
Cinderella with gloom.
“And
I’m sure you’re not a Prince Charming.
But
I suppose I shouldn’t assume.”
“I’ll give you one more chance,” said the prince.
“If
you get it wrong, too bad.
I’d
come later for another three chances
And
perhaps (but most likely not) you’ll be glad.”
“I
know!” said Cinderella.
“You’re John Rupert the Third.”
“What an interesting guess,” said the prince.
“That guess was very absurd.
“I’ll go away and by that time
I
suppose you’ll be ready.
But
maybe by the time you’ll guess my name
You’ll be in your golden year seventy.”
And
the prince walked away
To
Old MacDonald on his farm.
And
the prince got out a pipe
And
danced with the rats in the barn.
He
danced until the rats were gone
And
soon enough they were.
Old
MacDonald was so happy.
He
said, “Thank you, my Sir.”
Old
MacDonald’s wife was named Mary
Who
is very, very, quite contrary.
She
grows silver bells and cockle shells
And
as a new addition, berries.
Then
while nobody was watching,
A
fox came by and snatches the berries.
He
was still full after eating the gingerbread man.
He
wanted too many for him to carry.
So
he sat down and ate them piece by piece
Until he got real full.
He
walked away until he met
The
angry, big bad wolf.
The
fox ran to his house
Which was made of some straw and sticks.
But
when the wolf blew it down,
The
fox wished it were made of bricks.
He
ran away until he met
A
Chicken named Little.
He
said the sky was following from top to bottom
And
not stopping in the middle.
Now
Chicken Little was true.
Because of the giant above.
He
lived in a sky castle
That
was higher than any dove.
But
one day little Jack Horner
Who
broke his crown and ate Christmas pie
Went
to see this rumored Giant
And,
soon to his surprise
The
giantest giant of all the giants
Was
coming close to him.
So
Jack snatched some gold and went down a beanstalk.
And
I think his moves were very trim.
But
the beanstalk led to another garden
That
was owned by Mary Lou.
But
as you see, she’s not a fairy tale character.
So
what does this mean to you?
As I
said, never mix up fairy tales!
Or
surely at the end
It won’t be a fairy tale at all.
IT’LL JUST BE
A POEM WITH A BAD