Hannah: For Valentine's Day, I want you to blog about me. Danny: How did you know that's what I was gonna do?
A lot can change in four years. A recent Cracked article explains that every 2 years, you'll realize you were an idiot 2 years ago and be much happier with your current beliefs and assumptions. But of course you'll do the same thing two years later. And this cycle repeats endlessly.
Of course, I totally understand where I was coming from. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of my high school years was the inability to land myself a girlfriend. I had plenty of female friends, I just didn't happen to be dating any of them. And that's always what bothered me. And I know that early 2008 was a particularly rough time for me, in which I was fighting some depression based on certain social things that happened in the tail end of 2007. So when I knew Valentines' Day 2008 would just be another big ol' middle finger stabbed through my broken heart, I felt the need to rant about it.
Little did I know that 2.5 years later, I would meet Hannah.
And everything quickly changed. Well not entirely true. As we met while working at a Jewish summer camp (which as a camper had been my dream location for my first kiss), we had two months to see each other non-stop and explore our relationship. I recall my first weekend, not sure if I was yet comfortable using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." Then for the first few weeks I asked myself, "Okay how long is this going to last until she sees the real me?" Approximately a month in was my first accidental blurt out of "I love you." But then in that second month we really began fusing together (not too dissimilar to this TV moment).
That truly was the most magical summer of my life.
Unfortunately, when the school year began and we had to resort to long-distance (an hour-and-a-half fucking long drive!), we realized we weren't visiting each other and barely even talking to each other. So there was a brief breakup.
Notice I said brief. Some weeks later, we began chatting again. Even went out on another date. I spent five months in "Lord of the Conchords" Land, and even though there were two separate instances in which Kiwi girls proposed to me, my mind was still on Hannah. Clearly our time apart had brought us closer together.
So almost as soon as I returned stateside, we reunited. And we fused even closer (not too dissimilar to this classic TV commercial). Our summer fling turned into a two-summer fling, and then finally settled on a long-term relationship. And that's where we're at now, churning out more "I love yous" than a Barney & Friends marathon. Not too dissimilar to this:
Let me get back to my point. A lot can change in four years. I went from romantically challenged to the absolutely luckiest guy in the world. I no longer need to roll my eyes at the heart-decorated Starbucks cups, cringe at the endless repeats of love songs on the radio, or built up jealousy at the sight of couples holding hands as they walk down the street. Instead, I can cherish those things. To sum it up, I'm happy.
I realize now why I was so frustrated in high school. I am a romantic. A huge one. I never understood the concept of a "one time hook-up" or a fuckbuddy. To me, a kiss was meant to spark a relationship, and a relationship was meant to spark love. But in high school, I didn't know that's what I wanted. Subconsciously I knew... which is perhaps why I was never able to confront my numerous crushes and ask them out. Perhaps deep down I knew my crushes did not want the romantic relationship I was looking for. Every now and then I like to go on the Facebook profiles of all my old crushes and just see what they're up to. Most of them seem to be off with their own boyfriends now. Some of them seem to have gone through one after another after another. I'm thankful now that I didn't end up in that sea of boyfriends. But I'm happy that they found their special someone, just as I found mine.
To my friends and readers who will be celebrating V-Day with their good friend Jack Daniels, Captain Morgan, or (glob forbid) Keith Stone, I have some words of wisdom. It's probably cheesy, but who says you can't eat a bit of cheese with those candy hearts? You will find that special someone. You may go through dozens, maybe hundreds of prospects, only to realize that you'll never make it past the friend zone. But keep on going. When it comes down to it--if I may quote Michael "Fizzy" Bublé--half of it's timing, the other half's luck. But really most of it is luck. I waited 19 years to find my girl... at a time I wasn't even desperately looking for someone. And it was totally worth the wait.
Sometimes I miss that sense of wonder, that feeling when I step into a social gathering and I meet a new person and think "Hmm, I wonder if I'll get with this person tonight." Even though it would always hurt me in the end, I miss those butterflies in my stomach when I see someone I like. Fortunately, those feelings have been replaced by a new one: the reassurance that I have someone that loves me forever and ever.
And on that note...
Hannah, you are the most amazing person in my life. Every day when I play with my mizpah pendant or I stare at your picture on my phone or when I wake up to your lyrical text messages, I think about how lucky I was to have met you. You have brought confidence in me I never knew I had. I'm pretty sure that I spend every waking moment thinking about you. And my friends can vouch that if I have an opportunity to brag about you, I will certainly do so.
I wish I could spend this Valentine's Day with you, but alas we will have to sit at our laptops and stare at our digital faces like we usually do. But I hope that this will not be the case in the future, and one day I will get to celebrate this manufactured holiday with you in the flesh. And I hope we get to do that for many years to come. I love you.
Happy Valentine's Day, my friends. And still don't forget about that genocide in Sudan!
Sometimes when you want to make a sandwich, you want to make a sandwich. Tonight, I did just that. Only when I bit into it, the first word that came into my mind was "orgasmic". And thus the Danny Zeff Orgasmic Sandwich was born.
I decided to put in a little bit of everything I could find, within reason of course (no raw pasta this time). Here is the entire list of items that made it in between those two yummy pieces of white bread:
roast beef slices
cheddar cheese
lettuce
onion
shredded Mexican 4-cheese
avocado
mayonnaise
spicy brown mustard
Tapatio
Sriracha sauce
salt
pepper
Sliced diagonally in half, served with salt and vinegar chips and a Vanilla Coke.
I forgot to mention last week that my parents bought me not one but two cookbooks. And the other one, entitled The Everything College Cookbook, had a simple lunch recipe for Frozen Fish Fajitas which sounded extremely delicious... at least for a starving college student.
We bought a huge box of Albertsons-brand frozen fish sticks several weeks back, and as I was apparently the only one that was eating them (yes I do like to put fish sticks in my mouth), I needed a creative way to finish them off. I thought this recipe would be a perfect opportunity to fix that situation. The only thing I didn't have that the book calls for was tartar sauce. However I created a delicious, nutritious, and anvilicious way to get around that. Check it.
Ingredients:
6 frozen fish sticks
2.5 tablespoons of ranch dressing
1 teaspoon of lime juice
1 teaspoon of lemon juice
Tabasco sauce
ground cayenne pepper
Italian seasoning
2 uncooked tortillas
lettuce
chopped onion
chopped capsicum
pico de gallo (or a salsa of choice)
Directions:
Cook the frozen fish sticks according to the package directions. (Albertsons brand tells you to cook them in a toaster oven for 15 minutes at 400º.)
In a small bowl, mix together the ranch dressing, lime juice, lemon juice, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, and Italian seasoning to create a special sauce.
Cook the tortillas according to the package directions. (The ones I had said to cook each side on a pan for 30 seconds. Or you could wimp out and stick pre-cooked tortillas in the microwave for a few seconds to warm them up.)
Lay out the cooked tortillas on a plate. Place lettuce on the wrap, add cooked fish sticks, and spread the special sauce on top. Sprinkle with onion and capsicum. Top it all with as much pico de gallo as you like.
Fold each tortilla burrito-style. (If you fail at that, I will accept taco-style as well.)
¡Buen apetito!
As you could probably guess, this recipe makes two fajitas. Both of them make a meal, but if you're not that hungry you can always give one to a roommate or a lovely ladyfriend (whichever one you see first).
It goes without saying... this was very, very, very, very delicious. Though it definitely has a kick of spice, those who do not enjoy spicy food as much as I do will probably not be bothered by it. As this was my first time cooking tortillas, I was happy how the whole thing turned out. Looks like I've got another recipe I'll be adding to my index card rack.
So that I wouldn't be completely hopeless when I started living on my own, my parents decided to buy me The Starving Students' Cookbook. As most recipes in cookbooks require that I actually have the ingredients in stock, I haven't been using it very much. However, my roommates and I recently did a huge Costco run, filling our two kitchens full of stuff that should last us a few months. And so, I decided to look through the book to make a good lunch. And I'm glad I did, because it recommended a recipe of which I actually had the necessary ingredients for it: English Muffin Pizzas. My recipe is slightly adapted from Dede Hall's original.
Ingredients:
2 English muffins, cut in half
tomato sauce (such as Ragú, for example)
sliced onions and capsicum (of course, you can use whatever toppings you'd like)
shredded cheese
Italian seasoning
Directions:
Preheat toaster oven to 350°.
Spread each half English muffin with tomato sauce.
Add a layer of cheese on each muffin.
Add sliced vegetables and Italian seasoning to taste.
Add another layer of cheese (this will help melt everything into the muffin).
Place muffins on aluminum foil into the oven until the cheese melts (takes around 5 minutes).
B'teyavon!
The preparation of this meal reminded me so much of elementary and middle school, specifically when I brought Lunchables with me and I got to make the little mini pizzas. The whole idea of crafting your own meal in miniature form.... oh, the memories!!!!!
On that note, when I pulled these out of the oven... they smelled exactly like those Lunchables pizzas do when you pull them from the microwave. And on a further note, they were as delicious to consume as they were fun to make. In the words of Gillian Jacobs, these pizza pies "tasted just like regular sized pies!" I wish I could have used more toppings, but the things I usually top my pizza with (e.g. olives, pineapple, that lingering feeling that something's wrong) were not available in my house. Nonetheless, it's definitely something I would make and consume again!
I've reached a new stage of independence in my life. Halfway through my college career, I have kissed the dorms goodbye and now live in a frat house home with three of my fraternity brothers. What's nice about it is that I have way more living space, we have premium cable so that I can watch Rocko's Modern Life on TeenNick late at night, and there's no RAs to tell us we can't smoke hookah on the premises.
However, the one setback to leaving the dorms is that I am no longer on a meal plan. Most of you probably think of this as a good thing, as most dorm food sucks and it's really expensive. However, in my personal opinion (and I'm not being paid to write this) the food at Chapman University's Randall Dining Center is usually quite delicious. More importantly, I am not a cook and I don't know a lot about making food. It's not that I don't know how to make food, it's just that I'm usually too lazy to. Going grocery shopping, heating up grills and ovens, cleaning the dishes... that's a lot of work for a college student who spends his late nights watching Rocko's Modern Life.
Nonetheless, when your tummy's giving you the rumblies, you got to eat. And going out to restaurants is not always in option. Thus I've been trying to improve my cooking skills. Living with three other guys, we don't always have the most optimal ingredients for cooking savory dishes at our house. And so for many of my meals, I've had to go creative. So today I present a new part of my blog: Things I Make And Consume, or TIMAC.
Yesterday I was thinking about how I wanted to make an omelette with turkey bacon for breakfast the following day. Of course when I woke up mid-afternoon, I decided to rule this option out. I was more in the mood for a Toaster Strudel. But because a Toaster Strudel is not very filling by itself, I chose to put some ice cream on top. The result: Toaster Strudel à la mode. Here is the recipe:
Ingredients:
1 Pillsbury Toaster Strudel (any flavor works, but I used Strawberry & Cream Cheese)
2 scoops of ice cream (again, any flavor works, but we had Mint Chocolate Chip in the freezer)
1 packet of icing that comes with the Toaster Strudel
Directions:
Stick the Toaster Strudel in a toaster oven on medium until it is hot, flaky, and golden brown.
Put the cooked Toaster Strudel on a plate.
After letting the ice cream thaw briefly, scoop it on top of the Toaster Strudel.
Garnish the dish with icing on top of the ice cream.
Bon appétit!
While perhaps not the most healthy brunch in the world, it was quite delicious. Unfortunately it was not very filling and would serve better as a dessert to an equally unhealthy entrée, such as a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
NOTE: This may not fit in with the usually family-friendly fare of my blog, but this puzzle is so confusing that I am willing to take the risk to write it anyways. (Hopefully my employers don't check my blog as often as they threaten claim to do.)
Today a friend of mine showed me a fruity condom that someone gave him. I was absolutely stunned by this. Not so much at the fact that a fruity condom can exist but rather at the fact that it does exist. To put it bluntly...
I can't think of a single reason why I would ever use a fruity condom.
When I told my friend that, he looked at me strangely. And if you were staring me straight in the face rather than reading my yamblings, then you'd probably do the same. So let me explain.
I wasn't comfortable showing a picture of a fruity condom. Instead, here's a man sporting Fruit of the Loom briefs.
This is a classy blog, therefore I will never use the term blowjob. Except for that instance right there. Pretend it never happened. Instead, I'll use the much more sophisticated fellatio. And I get it that by having a fruit-flavored condom, the girl providing said fellatio will have a much more pleasant "fellational" experience. After all, wouldn't you rather suck on an apple or a pear than something that I assume tastes like a rubber band that stuck to the bottom of my foot for three days (just an assumption, of course)? It's understandable.
But here's the big issue: When would I use a fruity condom during fellatio?
There are only two situations when I desire some head: (1) if I'm with my girlfriend, or (2) if I'm not with my girlfriend. Now let's assume I'm with my girlfriend. Naturally, unless we're in a procreation mood that night, I'd use a condom for typical intercourse, but definitely not for fellatio. I'm certainly not worried about STDs, as I likely would have known that before I made the decision to date her. And according to trustworthy resource TeensHealth, you CANNOT get pregnant through oral means alone. To keep it short and sweet, I wouldn't need a condom to receive fellatio from my girlfriend.
Now let's suppose I'm not with my girlfriend... likely because she read this very post in which I talk about our recreational desires and she's kicked me out of her place. Instead, I decide to get fellatio from some random chick I pick up from a bar, the streets, or a wonderul club in New Zealand known as The Big Kumara. Since I don't know this girl, I'd definitely wear a condom in this scenario. So now you may argue that this is the opportunity where I could use a condom of the fruity variety. The thing is... if I don't know the girl, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WASTE A FRUITY CONDOM ON HER?
As you can see from my logic, there is never a time when I'd want to use a fruit-flavored condom. And if there is no opportunity to use them, I do not understand why Durex has decided to make them. Novelty value, I suppose. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend my good money on more productive sex items (NSFW).
Earlier this year I wanted to create the next big thing for social networking. My idea was a hybrid of Twitter and YouTube, in which you had 15 seconds to say whatever you wanted on your webcam and then it would get posted to the website. Then of course people could follow/subscribe to your posts. Sounds pointless? Probably. But imagine how addicting it would be.
Unfortunately it seems that someone else has beat me to creating a new pointless social networking site that is too addicting to get off of. Remember that girl you have a crush on? The one you know you'll never talk to but you wish you could tell her how you feel about her? Wouldn't it be nice if you could "tweet" about her anonymously and hope she sees it?
Apparently that's what Evan Reas thought when he created Like a Little. The concept of the website, which describes itself as "high quality flirting", is simple enough:
Choose the male or female you've been stalking.
Pick his/her hair color.
Type the location where you see her.
Write a short flirty message (it doesn't say in under 140 characters, but that may be implied).
Let the world see it (and hopefully she will too!).
It doesn't seem like much, but it's strange how addicting it is to read people's messages. My rooommate showed it to me last night, and we ended up reading them for a good 20 minutes. Here's a small sample from various campuses:
I think you get the idea. Some of the posts come off as really sad and desperate, kind of like FMyLife. But then most of the posts (written by people who thankfully have not taken this seriously) are just downright hilarious... kind of like FMyLife. It's fun to read the page for Chapman University since there's only about 4000 undergrads and at times the student body feels like an overglorified high school; I've been trying to match the posts to people I've seen around campus. (One of them describing a cute male with black hair I assumed was addressed to me.) The best part is that if you really like someone's post, you can "like" or comment on it, just like a certain other website you might spend too much time on. And to keep your anonymity, they label you as a random fruit. I'm not sure if that's their way of saying that everyone who uses Like a Little is gay, but... you know what? I'm not gonna go there.
So far there's not too much press about this site, but I'm excited to see it go viral. Formspring was popular for a few good weeks before slowly getting lost within the many links of Facebook's Recent Posts. Who knows how long Like a Little could last? At least until winter break...
Now looking at this from a more analytical viewpoint, I can't help but wonder if this is a reflection on our society. Are we so hooked to cell phones and the internet that we can't even flirt face to face with other people anymore? What ever happened to the good ol' days where anonymous flirting took place at parties in which people got so plastered that they'd stick their penis in whatever approached them? I'd like to see Like a Little replace that!
I foresee an awful future where we do all romantic things via the internet. We've already replaced speed dating with ChatRoulette, and innocent little love notes have been thrown away in favor of grotesque sexting. I fear that by the time I want to propose to my hypothetical girlfriend, I'll have to send her something along the lines of this:
It's a shame most of us do not have the courage just to go up to the person we really like and say "Hey, I like you. Wanna go out?" This is certainly something I need to improve on, and Like a Little is definitely not a step in the right direction.
I can remember the first time I ever watched Seinfeld. While I do not remember how old I was, I do remember what I watched and it was definitely the most random type of humor in existence (at least in terms of 90s humor, before the great Comedy Purge of 2002). It's a shame this show went off the air years before I could get into it. And Curb Your Enthusiasm is not quite the same thing... sometimes that show is just painful to watch...
However, I recently discovered that Seinfeld has not been off the air at all. In fact, it recently put out its 21st season (I guess that makes it legal for the show to drink now). Due to budget cuts and NBC's tendency to fuck with people, they've moved from 22-minutes episode on television to 1-minute shorts on the internet.
But that's not the only change. All the characters have randomly disappeared except for Jerry and George. Yes, even Uncle Leo is gone. They've also changed the cinematography to a three-camera setup. And by this I mean they are only using three shots. And on just one set, also known as Jerry's apartment. Luckily the studio audience is still as lively as ever.
Strangely enough, these technical changes are not the issue at hand. The most significant change is the content of the show itself. The jokes are... different. Remember how this is the show about nothing? Well, you haven't seen nothing yet. This season makes the first 20 seem as complex as The Sopranos. Does this new brand of humor make the show better? Honestly, I have to say yes. Take a look at the first episode below, for example.
Believe it or not, this is actually one of the more mild episodes. Wait til you get later into the season... much later.
Like what you see? I hope so. Check out the full season of The Jerry Seinfeld Program at SeinfeldComedy.com. Also tell Dan Klein & company to write some more episodes. Now that's using your bean.
This may be the first time ever that I'm yambling on a topic while it is still relevant at the time of posting. A few minutes ago I was informed that Christopher Nolan revealed the title of his third Batman movie. The potential blockbuster of summer 2012 is to be called The Dark Knight Rises.
My first reaction: "Really?"
Now I have a lot of respect for Nolan; I even consider him the Spielberg of our generation. However I am not a fan of this title. It's hard to describe what exactly I dislike about it. Maybe I feel it's just too similar to the title of the previous movie, and I'm scared this could cause confusion in future conversations:
Person 1: Did you see that Dark Knight movie?
Person 2: Yeah, I thought Heath Ledger was great in that.
Person 1: No I meant Dark Knight Rises.
Person 2: Oh. What?
This fan-made poster from 2008 suggests the title Gotham City with the Riddler as a villain. Sadly, neither of these elements will be the real film. (Courtesy of JoshWMC)
Not a very productive dialogue. I'm sure Nolan had a very good reason for choosing this title. My theory is that it's designed to a hybrid of the titles of the first two films, using the "Dark Knight" label and finding a synonym for "Batman Begins". Maybe he's trying to say that Bruce Wayne's life is going in a loop. Who knows?
I do hope that The Dark Knight Rises is just a tentative title and that the real title is being kept secret until the heavy marketing for the movie starts. If not, this could be one of the rare cases where Executive Meddling is necessary. Nonetheless, Rises is still a better title than some of the other titles that may have been on the drawing board...
Batman 3D - Considering it's the third in a trilogy, one would automatically assume the film must have "3D" in the title, and thus the movie will be presented in 3D. It happened with Jaws. It happened with Spy Kids. It happened with Jackass. Luckily, Nolan has reassured us that this movie will absolutely not be shown in 3D. Which just shows how much control over the movie he has in relationship with the studio.
Batman Ends - One of my friends was really hoping this would be the title. Definitely serves as a good bookend. This of course would confirm that Nolan's series will be a trilogy, unless he comes out with a surprise Batman Revives Himself.
The Light Knight - It's a catchy title, is it not?
Batman - It seems to be a recent trend that sequels do away with numbers or fancy titles and revert to the simplest title they can think of. A few examples include Fast and Furious, Rocky Balboa, Rambo, and Star Trek. Other variations that would work include Knight, or even Dark Knight (without the "The").
The Dark Knight Goes to [Location] - That specific location depends on the plot of the movie, of course. This could set up a whole spin-off franchise of "Dark Knight Goes to..." films. I guarantee they would be highly successful.
Not Another Batman Movie - As the case for many sequels, this movie would rely more on getting cheap laughs than portraying meaningful stories or character development.
Do you, my readers, have any ideas for new titles of this film? If so, comment below!
Remember last time how I said I would never return to Omegle? I lied. Here's some more wacky conversations I've experienced. I warn you, some of the language may upset you. But if you dare continue on, tell me if you get all the references.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
Stranger: m/f
You: depends... if i say male, will you disconnect from me?
Stranger: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You: then i'm female
Stranger: f you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
**********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hurensohn
You: say what?
Stranger: nbpikntrb#+pijnmtrbjm
Stranger: gjerbmkebt
Stranger: wj
Stranger: ewbmvztfr ge
You: i'm tired of your nonsense
Stranger: dei muadda
You: don't think i'll disconnect
You: because that's a sign of defeat
Stranger: fuck you
You: you lose, sir
Stranger: learn german
Stranger: motherfucker
You: i'm pretty sure "nbpikntrb#+pijnmtrbjm" is not german
Stranger: xou bitch
You: what's with you tonight?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
***********
Stranger: hey
You: hi
Stranger: im a girl
You: are you now?
Stranger: i think so
You: well i'm a guy
You: hmm... you think so...
Stranger: oh how wonderful
You: that's the most interesting thing i've ever heard
Stranger: im pretty sure
You: have you checked down there recently?
Stranger: nah
You: yeah, why waste your time?
Stranger: thats my motto
You: what do you do when you use the bathroom?
You: sit down and hope for the best?
Stranger: i dont remember
You: i feel your pain
Stranger: you do?
You: not really
Stranger: oh. noone does
Stranger: im alone in this world
**********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: my spoon is too big
Stranger: OH NO
Stranger: let me hel you
Stranger: help*
You: my spoon is TOO big
You: my spoon is too BIG
Stranger: and wat do u want me to do about it?
You: I AM A BANANA!
Stranger: i love bananas
You: YAY
Stranger: ;D
Stranger: soooooooo
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
*************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: Dominatrix?
You: want me to be?
Stranger: Yes
You: should i get my cyber whips and chains out?
Stranger: Yes mistress
You: nah, i don't really feel like it
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
***********
Stranger: do you have any pictures of down there?
You: haha not at the moment
Stranger: you should
You: but i do have a picture of me holding a balloon shaped like a giant penis
You: it's a fairly close representation of its actual size
You: does that interest you?
Stranger: i dunno im trying to masturbate and i really need to see a real man
You: well you could masturbate to my giant penis balloon
Stranger: its not the same
You: you won't know til you see it
Stranger: im looking for a real man
Stranger: to show me
Stranger: good stuff
You: have you just tried pulling up a naked picture of dwayne johnson?
***********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi, 17 m here. Are you a girl?
You: honestly it depends
You: i may be a girl
You: but if i said i wasn't
You: wouldn't you disconnect from me?
You: be honest
Stranger: haha yes
You: then i'm a girl
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
************
Stranger: asl
You: 18 m california
You: and now a question for you
Stranger: what
You: if you could be any pizza topping in the world, what would you be?
Stranger: pepperoni
You: hmm i see
You: i don't think we have compatibility then
Stranger: y
You: i keep kosher
**************
You: hey what's up
Stranger: ]how many inches?
Stranger: ..
You: 16
Stranger: bullshitt.
You: you're talking about my comptuer screen, right?
You: it's a 16-inch laptop
*************
Stranger: im listening to music thats making me want to punch a jewish baby
You: why a jewish baby?
You: what did they do to you?
Stranger: first thing that came to mind
Stranger: i could just punch your firstborn instead
You: he too technically would be a jewish baby
*************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: hi asl
You: really? you want to be that cliched?
You: how many times has asking "asl" gotten you anywhere?
You: think about it
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
***************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hey im a 19 yr old guy lookin for a girl to have a clean chat
You: i like nice clean chats
You: so i qualify that much
Stranger: female?
You: no, i don't pass that qualification
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
**************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: WILD ABRA APPEARED!
You: holy shit
You: catch that shit
You: then enslave it in your little ball of doom
Stranger: *Turns to you* You wanna do it or should I?
You: nah, i've already got one
You: it may have evolved, the hell i know
Stranger: Awesome. *Throws ultraball* What should I call it? *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Click*
You: name it after Jason Schwartzman
You: because he's the first person that comes to mind
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: what do you think of me?
Stranger: i dont know...
You: make an assessment
Stranger: ive never talked to you before and cannot
You: fair enough
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hey
Stranger: asl?
You: 18 m california
You: u?
Stranger: 22 female
Stranger: England
Stranger: Honry
You: cool
Stranger: horny one *
Stranger: Type someting thats Sexy
You: i could share some pick up lines
You: but they're more awful than sexy
Stranger: No ty
Stranger: be sexy now or i find someone else thats attractive
You: ok
You: i'm alone in my room
Stranger: uhh
You: and i bet you're alone in yours
You: so let's... uh...
You: be alone together
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
**********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey i'm a 17 year old male looking for some fun
You: i like fun
You: disneyland is fun
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
**********
Stranger: im not a penis
You: i sure hope not
Stranger: hahahah
You: because i wouldn't want to tell my friends i had a conversation with a penis
Stranger: LOL
**********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello....15 male,looking for horny gals to have sex with in singapore
You: i'm too far away
You: nor am i horny
You: and i'm an adult
Stranger: hw about msn?
You: so it wouldn't work well
Stranger: we share dirty pic?
Stranger: ok webcam?
You: well here's the kicker
You: i'm a male
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
*************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey cutie
Stranger: u cool
Stranger: u r cool
You: i am cool
Stranger: cool beans
Stranger: u cool muthafuka
You: are you cool?
Stranger: real cool
You: i'm cold
Stranger: we coo
Stranger: i'm cool
You: it's raining hard
Stranger: how's being cool
Stranger: omg
You: i like being cold
Stranger: it was raining
Stranger: really
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
*************
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: white?
You: very tan
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
***********
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: horny girl?
You: look at your keyboard
You: now look at me
You: now back at your keyboard
You: now back at me
You: sadly, your keyboard is not me
You: and no, i'm not a horny girl
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Of course, I totally understand where I was coming from. Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of my high school years was the inability to land myself a girlfriend. I had plenty of female friends, I just didn't happen to be dating any of them. And that's always what bothered me. And I know that early 2008 was a particularly rough time for me, in which I was fighting some depression based on certain social things that happened in the tail end of 2007. So when I knew Valentines' Day 2008 would just be another big ol' middle finger stabbed through my broken heart, I felt the need to rant about it.
, had a simple lunch recipe for Frozen Fish Fajitas which sounded extremely delicious... at least for a starving college student.
. As most recipes in cookbooks require that I actually have the ingredients in stock, I haven't been using it very much. However, my roommates and I recently did a huge Costco run, filling our two kitchens full of stuff that should last us a few months. And so, I decided to look through the book to make a good lunch. And I'm glad I did, because it recommended a recipe of which I actually had the necessary ingredients for it: English Muffin Pizzas. My recipe is slightly adapted from Dede Hall's original.
